It has happened to all of us: a new gadget goes booinngg!!
The new Ford or Chevy barks and growls to a start; the washer we
bought two weeks ago refuses to drain, leaving a waterlogged pile
of clothes; the mail order shoes or wrenches were the wrong size.
Sometimes we can take them back and complain. But other
times we have to write, and we grab for the nearest pen so we can
let fly at those so-and-sos for their shoddy craftwork.
But wait! Letting fly vents our anger at the time, but it
won't necessarily make for a good claim letter. Let's look at
what we should and should not do when writing up a claim or
complaint.
1. Calm down and plan out your draft. First get rid of your
anger--maybe by writing a venomous note, one for the circular
file. Then after slam-dunking the crumpled note, plan out
what you are going to say: what the problem is, the facts,
and what action you are requesting.
2. Draft your letter. Try organizing the following way:
a) Front the main idea: the need for an adjustment, but
also make sure you state the situation first, avoiding
any fist-shaking.
b) Explain clearly. Provide all the necessary information
your reader needs. Watch your tone!
c) Make your request for adjustment, adding any additional
information, such as dates for action, etc.
d) Make sure your close is strong yet friendly. Anger and
name-calling may miss their mark, for usually the person
receiving the letter is not responsible for the problem.
3. Review your draft. Check to make sure all the necessary
facts are there, polish your sentences and edit for any
mechanical and usage problems.
4. Put it in final form, making sure you have addressed it to
the appropriate person, and send it off.
Let's look at some examples. The first, a letter from
Smokey Jones to council member Joe Claire, was written to protest
Mr. Claire's support of a no-smoking ordinance for his city.
Read it over, considering what we have just discussed about
complaint letters.
45
R. Jones & Company
Beverage Distributors
14470 Tarr Road
Cleveland, Ohio 44767
December 13, 1990
Joe Claire
City Council
21 E. 7th St.
Cleveland, Ohio 44757
Dear Joe:
I'd like your assistance in seeing what can be done about some of
the following:
(1) People who "pick" their nose in public.
(2) People who use profane language in public.
(3) People who "fart" in public.
The activities I've listed are just utterly disgusting and
something needs to be done. I think a law should be passed to
prevent such unhealthy activities--both physical and mental. If
that's not possible, can we make sure these people are separated
by law from those who don't practice such dirty activities?
I suggest that in each and every public facility signs be posted
as follows:
(1) "Nose" picking area.
(2) "Profanity" user area.
(3) "Farting" section.
Joe, I know how busy you are, working on your "No smoking"
ordinance, but I wonder if an amendment could be attached to that
ordinance to handle these other disgraceful practices. Let's put
these people in their place. Especially those who own their own
business or buildings.
It's time we take a firm stand and restrict these people from
their inalienable rights. It's the American way to treat the
good people as Americans and the smokers, nose pickers, cussers
and farters as "lepers."
Keep up the good work!
Sincerely,
Reynolds "Smokey" Jones
RJ/rs
46
Smokey's anger steamrolls through his letter. His
bitterness is evident in the analogies he chooses, his use of
"lepers" and "Keep up the good work!" His nose-picking,
profanity, etc. analogies serve only to vent his anger and to
sidetrack the issue of smoking itself.
Smokey would have been better advised to crumple and slam-
dunk this letter and address key points about the ordinance:
Does the ordinance fail to give smokers any rights? Does it
inadequately describe public and private facilities? Smokey
needs to address these and other pertinent issues that bother him
for his complaint to be taken seriously.
In fact, Smokey has unknowingly associated himself with
nose-pickers, profaners, etc. in the letter through his
bitterness, which shows, like the others, a lack of regard for
others.
Our second example is Karen Russ' letter to Smith's
Department Store. Karen is complaining that she had to pay a
parking charge rather than receive discounted or free parking.
12 NW Elm,
Topeka, KS 66606
September 15, 1989
Smith's Department Store
424 S. Kansas Avenue
Topeka, Kansas 66603
Dear Smith's:
Recently I have had some problems in your parking garage. There
have been two occasions in which I have had to pay the full
parking price of $4.00 in the last two months.
The last such incident occurred today at 1:00 p.m. I met my
husband for lunch in your new restaurant. I had my parking
ticket validated by the cashier. When we finished eating I
inadvertently left my parking ticket on my tray. By the time I
noticed my ticket missing our table trays had been cleared away.
Upon explaining this to the man in the parking garage booth he
informed me that a lost ticket would result in a $4.00 charge.
In order to get back to work on time I paid the $4.00 and left.
I realize the man in the booth is only following Smith's parking
policies, but I do not think that this charge is at all
appropriate.
I have shopped at Smith's for a long time because they always
have exactly what I'm looking for and it is very convenient.
This letter of complaint is because I am upset at the fact that I
spend a great deal of money inside your store only to find that I
must pay an additional $8.00 to get out of your store.
Again let me say that this is the first complaint I have had
about your store and I only hope that you will understand my
concern and reimburse me for $8.00 or credit my account. I hope
47
Smith's page 2 September 15, 1989
to hear from you soon as to your feelings on this matter.
Sincerely,
Karen L. Russ
At first glance Karen's letter seems good. She states the
situation, explains the facts, and requests an adjustment. Her
third paragraph is strong, particularly her comment about paying
more to get out of the store. But there are some serious
problems:
1. She requests eight dollars but explains only one of the two
occasions. What happened on the other occasion? Why expect
the four dollars without saying why?
2. Whose fault was it that she lost her ticket? Karen's own
negligence caused her to leave it on the tray--not the
store's.
3. Why didn't she try to recover the ticket or go to the
customer services office and explain the situation? The time
she took explaining to the man in the booth could have been
used to talk with a customer service representative instead.
As a matter of goodwill, many companies will grant claims in
an instance such as this, but Karen's vituperative remarks do not
help her case. Perhaps, instead of complaining about the extra
four dollars, she should have admitted it was her fault and more
politely requested an adjustment, rather than asking to "hear
from you soon as to your feelings on this matter."
Our next example is a claim from the government to an
aircraft supplier about a guidance system malfunction.
48
United States Air Force
Office of Nasty Accidents
That Happen to Things We
Just Procured
Pentagon
Washington D.C. 01234
June 7, 1990
Mr. Jon Hamilton
Head Claims Adjuster
Meanwell International
1156 Big Bucks Ave.
Oklahoma City, OK 73120
Dear Mr. Hamilton:
This letter is regarding our recent purchase of fifteen X007
"Chickenfighter" aircraft all equipped with the latest Limphome
Guidance Systems. The generals were pleased as they looked down
the flight line. The spit-polished, chromed "Chickenfighter"
spoke wheels really made the planes look sharp as they were all
poised for flight just eleven hours after being painted with your
outdoor, fast drying, all season latex Stealth paint. Five
minutes later, they were in the air ready to perform the Critical
Response Air Strategic Hazards (CRASH) Demonstration. At this
point, during the Directional Equipment Testing of User
Requirements (DETOUR) segment, a problem developed.
According to the pilots we have interviewed, a malfunction
occurred in the Limphome Guidance Systems shortly after take-off.
The guidance computer readouts became increasingly radical until
it was determined that the systems were useless for navigational
purposes. Enclosed for your analysis you will find all the
pertinent information pertaining to the guidance systems before,
during, and after the malfunction occurred.
Seven aircraft soon found their way back to the base, much
to our surprise, because they only made contact when they were
ready for their final approach. All the planes are accounted for
at this writing.
Preparations are already in progress to provide a fully
equipped hanger for repair or replacement of the Limphome
Guidance Systems when the results of your investigation are
final. We can either partially or fully staff this hangar.
The generals would like this matter handled as quickly and
quietly as possible. Depending on your findings, please send the
replacement parts needed for repair or the replacement systems to
the following address:
Correctional Aircraft Technicians Hangar (COAT)
Bldg. #74
Ft. Cocaco, LA 87445
Please keep us informed on the progress of your investigation.
Sincerely,
Lt. Jim Happleton
49
Though this letter is humorous, it provides a good example
of structuring and wording a complaint. The letter explains the
situation; states the problem, the guidance system failure;
requests action and gives information pertinent to that action.
Aside from the humorous context, the tone is not one of fist-
shaking, bitterness, or sarcasm, but is even and helpful.
Erin Flynn's memo to the county commissioners also tells us
about structuring and wording complaints:
2108 Potomac
Topeka, KS 66611
August 16, 1985
SHAWNEE COUNTY COMMISSIONERS
700 SE 6th
Topeka, KS 66603
Dear Commissioners,
I am writing to address an issue which directly affects me and
other County Employees.
It is my understanding that the current policy prohibits parents
from using their sick leave accumulation to take their children
to the doctor, or be at home with sick children. In most day
cares, the rules are very strict about sick children;
temperatures of 100 degrees, diarrhea, or vomiting will send a
child home for at least 24 hours. (Longer illnesses, such as
chicken pox or mumps, would send a child home for up to 2 weeks.)
In the case of infants and toddlers teething, ear infections, and
allergies have the potential to present the same symptoms. The
possibility exists that these children will be sent home also to
avoid spreading illnesses.
It is my view that when an employee works hard at his or her
position and is consistently punctual and at work, he or she has
earned a relaxing, enjoyable vacation each year.
Staying home with a sick child is not a vacation.
Married parents as well as single parents have a burden placed on
them when it comes to sick children. The burden is one
without choice: they must be with a sick child unless they can
find someone to watch their child, even if that means
sacrificing vacation time.
I would like to propose a change in the current policy to extend
the use of sick leave in place of vacation leave for taking a
sick child to the doctor or being home with a sick child. This
would be left up to the Supervisor's discretion.
It is my understanding that at one point, an unwritten County
policy allowed time for parents to be home with sick children
50
Commissioners page 2 August 16, 1991
without using their vacation time, this also to Supervisor's
discretion. It should be understood that abuse of this policy
will result in the termination of the benefit for the person or
persons abusing it.
I am aware that there is a new personnel policy which gives five
(5) working days for serious illness of family members:
8-9 Family leave
In the event of serious illness, in the immediate family of an
employee, the appointing authority or his/her designee may
authorize a leave of absence with pay but shall limit such leave
with pay five (5) working days or less. The length of the leave
shall be determined by the appointing authority or his/her
designee in the factors of relationship and required travel time.
I believe I am trying to convey a point of view different from
that stated above. The new policy would be for family illness of
a less serious degree to what I understand the present policy
addresses. Please let me know what you think about this proposed
change. I look forward to hearing from you.
Sincerely,
Erin Flynn
Shawnee County Employee
kb
The writer states the situation (policy on using sick leave
to care for children), explains how caring for a sick child is
not a "vacation" (so vacation time should not be required to be
used), and requests a specific change in policy. The tone is
firm but not angry or bitter. The case is presented in a clear,
straight-forward manner.
Think about the above letters the next time your new
"what's-it" jams or the pizza place tries to make you redeem your
coupon by dining in rather than take-home--even though a dine-in
prerequisite is not on the coupon. Watch your tone, state all
the facts, and write in a straight-forward manner. The manner of
your complaint reflects your manners. To make them the best is
to make your writing the most effective.
Try working with the letters that follow. What are their
strengths and their weak points? How would you rewrite them to
make them more effective?