44 Writing a Good Claim/Complaint Letter It has happened to all of us: a new gadget goes booinngg!! The new Ford or Chevy barks and growls to a start; the washer we bought two weeks ago refuses to drain, leaving a waterlogged pile of clothes; the mail order shoes or wrenches were the wrong size. Sometimes we can take them back and complain. But other times we have to write, and we grab for the nearest pen so we can let fly at those so-and-sos for their shoddy craftwork. But wait! Letting fly vents our anger at the time, but it won't necessarily make for a good claim letter. Let's look at what we should and should not do when writing up a claim or complaint. 1. Calm down and plan out your draft. First get rid of your anger--maybe by writing a venomous note, one for the circular file. Then after slam-dunking the crumpled note, plan out what you are going to say: what the problem is, the facts, and what action you are requesting. 2. Draft your letter. Try organizing the following way: a) Front the main idea: the need for an adjustment, but also make sure you state the situation first, avoiding any fist-shaking. b) Explain clearly. Provide all the necessary information your reader needs. Watch your tone! c) Make your request for adjustment, adding any additional information, such as dates for action, etc. d) Make sure your close is strong yet friendly. Anger and name-calling may miss their mark, for usually the person receiving the letter is not responsible for the problem. 3. Review your draft. Check to make sure all the necessary facts are there, polish your sentences and edit for any mechanical and usage problems. 4. Put it in final form, making sure you have addressed it to the appropriate person, and send it off. Let's look at some examples. The first, a letter from Smokey Jones to council member Joe Claire, was written to protest Mr. Claire's support of a no-smoking ordinance for his city. Read it over, considering what we have just discussed about complaint letters. 45 R. Jones & Company Beverage Distributors 14470 Tarr Road Cleveland, Ohio 44767 December 13, 1990 Joe Claire City Council 21 E. 7th St. Cleveland, Ohio 44757 Dear Joe: I'd like your assistance in seeing what can be done about some of the following: (1) People who "pick" their nose in public. (2) People who use profane language in public. (3) People who "fart" in public. The activities I've listed are just utterly disgusting and something needs to be done. I think a law should be passed to prevent such unhealthy activities--both physical and mental. If that's not possible, can we make sure these people are separated by law from those who don't practice such dirty activities? I suggest that in each and every public facility signs be posted as follows: (1) "Nose" picking area. (2) "Profanity" user area. (3) "Farting" section. Joe, I know how busy you are, working on your "No smoking" ordinance, but I wonder if an amendment could be attached to that ordinance to handle these other disgraceful practices. Let's put these people in their place. Especially those who own their own business or buildings. It's time we take a firm stand and restrict these people from their inalienable rights. It's the American way to treat the good people as Americans and the smokers, nose pickers, cussers and farters as "lepers." Keep up the good work! Sincerely, Reynolds "Smokey" Jones RJ/rs 46 Smokey's anger steamrolls through his letter. His bitterness is evident in the analogies he chooses, his use of "lepers" and "Keep up the good work!" His nose-picking, profanity, etc. analogies serve only to vent his anger and to sidetrack the issue of smoking itself. Smokey would have been better advised to crumple and slam- dunk this letter and address key points about the ordinance: Does the ordinance fail to give smokers any rights? Does it inadequately describe public and private facilities? Smokey needs to address these and other pertinent issues that bother him for his complaint to be taken seriously. In fact, Smokey has unknowingly associated himself with nose-pickers, profaners, etc. in the letter through his bitterness, which shows, like the others, a lack of regard for others. Our second example is Karen Russ' letter to Smith's Department Store. Karen is complaining that she had to pay a parking charge rather than receive discounted or free parking. 12 NW Elm, Topeka, KS 66606 September 15, 1989 Smith's Department Store 424 S. Kansas Avenue Topeka, Kansas 66603 Dear Smith's: Recently I have had some problems in your parking garage. There have been two occasions in which I have had to pay the full parking price of $4.00 in the last two months. The last such incident occurred today at 1:00 p.m. I met my husband for lunch in your new restaurant. I had my parking ticket validated by the cashier. When we finished eating I inadvertently left my parking ticket on my tray. By the time I noticed my ticket missing our table trays had been cleared away. Upon explaining this to the man in the parking garage booth he informed me that a lost ticket would result in a $4.00 charge. In order to get back to work on time I paid the $4.00 and left. I realize the man in the booth is only following Smith's parking policies, but I do not think that this charge is at all appropriate. I have shopped at Smith's for a long time because they always have exactly what I'm looking for and it is very convenient. This letter of complaint is because I am upset at the fact that I spend a great deal of money inside your store only to find that I must pay an additional $8.00 to get out of your store. Again let me say that this is the first complaint I have had about your store and I only hope that you will understand my concern and reimburse me for $8.00 or credit my account. I hope 47 Smith's page 2 September 15, 1989 to hear from you soon as to your feelings on this matter. Sincerely, Karen L. Russ At first glance Karen's letter seems good. She states the situation, explains the facts, and requests an adjustment. Her third paragraph is strong, particularly her comment about paying more to get out of the store. But there are some serious problems: 1. She requests eight dollars but explains only one of the two occasions. What happened on the other occasion? Why expect the four dollars without saying why? 2. Whose fault was it that she lost her ticket? Karen's own negligence caused her to leave it on the tray--not the store's. 3. Why didn't she try to recover the ticket or go to the customer services office and explain the situation? The time she took explaining to the man in the booth could have been used to talk with a customer service representative instead. As a matter of goodwill, many companies will grant claims in an instance such as this, but Karen's vituperative remarks do not help her case. Perhaps, instead of complaining about the extra four dollars, she should have admitted it was her fault and more politely requested an adjustment, rather than asking to "hear from you soon as to your feelings on this matter." Our next example is a claim from the government to an aircraft supplier about a guidance system malfunction. 48 United States Air Force Office of Nasty Accidents That Happen to Things We Just Procured Pentagon Washington D.C. 01234 June 7, 1990 Mr. Jon Hamilton Head Claims Adjuster Meanwell International 1156 Big Bucks Ave. Oklahoma City, OK 73120 Dear Mr. Hamilton: This letter is regarding our recent purchase of fifteen X007 "Chickenfighter" aircraft all equipped with the latest Limphome Guidance Systems. The generals were pleased as they looked down the flight line. The spit-polished, chromed "Chickenfighter" spoke wheels really made the planes look sharp as they were all poised for flight just eleven hours after being painted with your outdoor, fast drying, all season latex Stealth paint. Five minutes later, they were in the air ready to perform the Critical Response Air Strategic Hazards (CRASH) Demonstration. At this point, during the Directional Equipment Testing of User Requirements (DETOUR) segment, a problem developed. According to the pilots we have interviewed, a malfunction occurred in the Limphome Guidance Systems shortly after take-off. The guidance computer readouts became increasingly radical until it was determined that the systems were useless for navigational purposes. Enclosed for your analysis you will find all the pertinent information pertaining to the guidance systems before, during, and after the malfunction occurred. Seven aircraft soon found their way back to the base, much to our surprise, because they only made contact when they were ready for their final approach. All the planes are accounted for at this writing. Preparations are already in progress to provide a fully equipped hanger for repair or replacement of the Limphome Guidance Systems when the results of your investigation are final. We can either partially or fully staff this hangar. The generals would like this matter handled as quickly and quietly as possible. Depending on your findings, please send the replacement parts needed for repair or the replacement systems to the following address: Correctional Aircraft Technicians Hangar (COAT) Bldg. #74 Ft. Cocaco, LA 87445 Please keep us informed on the progress of your investigation. Sincerely, Lt. Jim Happleton 49 Though this letter is humorous, it provides a good example of structuring and wording a complaint. The letter explains the situation; states the problem, the guidance system failure; requests action and gives information pertinent to that action. Aside from the humorous context, the tone is not one of fist- shaking, bitterness, or sarcasm, but is even and helpful. Erin Flynn's memo to the county commissioners also tells us about structuring and wording complaints: 2108 Potomac Topeka, KS 66611 August 16, 1985 SHAWNEE COUNTY COMMISSIONERS 700 SE 6th Topeka, KS 66603 Dear Commissioners, I am writing to address an issue which directly affects me and other County Employees. It is my understanding that the current policy prohibits parents from using their sick leave accumulation to take their children to the doctor, or be at home with sick children. In most day cares, the rules are very strict about sick children; temperatures of 100 degrees, diarrhea, or vomiting will send a child home for at least 24 hours. (Longer illnesses, such as chicken pox or mumps, would send a child home for up to 2 weeks.) In the case of infants and toddlers teething, ear infections, and allergies have the potential to present the same symptoms. The possibility exists that these children will be sent home also to avoid spreading illnesses. It is my view that when an employee works hard at his or her position and is consistently punctual and at work, he or she has earned a relaxing, enjoyable vacation each year. Staying home with a sick child is not a vacation. Married parents as well as single parents have a burden placed on them when it comes to sick children. The burden is one without choice: they must be with a sick child unless they can find someone to watch their child, even if that means sacrificing vacation time. I would like to propose a change in the current policy to extend the use of sick leave in place of vacation leave for taking a sick child to the doctor or being home with a sick child. This would be left up to the Supervisor's discretion. It is my understanding that at one point, an unwritten County policy allowed time for parents to be home with sick children 50 Commissioners page 2 August 16, 1991 without using their vacation time, this also to Supervisor's discretion. It should be understood that abuse of this policy will result in the termination of the benefit for the person or persons abusing it. I am aware that there is a new personnel policy which gives five (5) working days for serious illness of family members: 8-9 Family leave In the event of serious illness, in the immediate family of an employee, the appointing authority or his/her designee may authorize a leave of absence with pay but shall limit such leave with pay five (5) working days or less. The length of the leave shall be determined by the appointing authority or his/her designee in the factors of relationship and required travel time. I believe I am trying to convey a point of view different from that stated above. The new policy would be for family illness of a less serious degree to what I understand the present policy addresses. Please let me know what you think about this proposed change. I look forward to hearing from you. Sincerely, Erin Flynn Shawnee County Employee kb The writer states the situation (policy on using sick leave to care for children), explains how caring for a sick child is not a "vacation" (so vacation time should not be required to be used), and requests a specific change in policy. The tone is firm but not angry or bitter. The case is presented in a clear, straight-forward manner. Think about the above letters the next time your new "what's-it" jams or the pizza place tries to make you redeem your coupon by dining in rather than take-home--even though a dine-in prerequisite is not on the coupon. Watch your tone, state all the facts, and write in a straight-forward manner. The manner of your complaint reflects your manners. To make them the best is to make your writing the most effective. Try working with the letters that follow. What are their strengths and their weak points? How would you rewrite them to make them more effective?